ManPain
by ClaireStar
Summary: The women compare notes and share relationship tips.


Carol was getting frustrated. Not that kind of frustrated. (OK, a little that kind of frustrated.) Her tongue loosened after a few glasses of wine, she decided to bare her soul to the other women in the camp while they chatted in the cafeteria one night.

Her first question was about the longest-established couple in the camp. "So, how did you and Glenn hook up, Maggie?"

Maggie was matter-of-fact. "Well, I made the first move most of the time for a long time."

Carol looked surprised. "Oh. I didn't know you went after him. How about you and Bob, Sasha?"

Sasha said, "Well, so far we've just flirted, but I'm doing all the heavy lifting, trust."

Michonne sighed. "You want to talk heavy lifting? Try wrangling Rick."

Maggie laughed. "Seriously. The manpain is strong in that one."

Carol was quizzical. "Manpain?"

Sasha nodded. "Emotional anguish. Torment. Feelings."

Carol said, "Oh. Well why is it **_man_**pain? It's not limited to just men."

Michonne looked at her sharply. "Carol. Answer me carefully. How long were you allowed to mourn your daughter's death?"

Carol said, "It was about three weeks. After that, if I even mentioned her in passing, people rolled their eyes."

Michonne continued. "And how long has Rick mourned Lori's death?"

Carol was silent.

Sasha smirked. "The answer to that question is, he will mourn her death forever. Publicly." There was a touch of bitterness to her voice.

Maggie put her wineglass down loudly on the table. "And he didn't even LIKE Lori. But still he gets to do whatever he wants because he has Suffered."

Michonne said, "That was Capital-S Suffer, right?"

Maggie laughed. "But of course. Everything Rick does is capital S. Suffering. Sadness. Self-absorption. Sanity, comma Lack of."

Carol said, "Well, that's Rick. The other men aren't like that..." She trailed off.

Sasha said, "Now you're getting it. You saw my brother after Karen died, right? Did you know that after that he let a group of 100 walkers surround him, then he smashed his way out using a hammer and **Blind, Seething Rage at the Cruelty of Life**?"

Maggie chimed in, "Glenn broke up with me once because he **Cared Too Much**. He also made my being sexually assaulted by the Governor **All About Him**."

Carol nodded slowly. "Wow. I'm really impressed that you are able to convey that those concepts are capitalized and bolded without seeing them in writing."

Michonne smirked. "Nothing about mainpain is subtle. If you can't see it from a mile away, they're not doing it right."

Beth said, "Remember Shane? He was in constant manpain."

Maggie said, "Yeah, which he revealed by ripping off his shirt." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Carol said, "No one could forget that." Maggie, Beth and Carol high-fived each other, laughing.

The group paused for second when they heard an extended "Noooooooooooooo! Why! Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl!" echoing through the prison halls.

Sasha looked at her watch. "11:13 on the dot."

Carol said, "I'm feeling a little better about Daryl. I mean yes, he does have temper tantrums and he is a little crabby, but he's no Rick." She was silent for a moment, then said wistfully, "Still, it would be nice to be pursued."

The other women gasped. Sasha said, "Oh NO, honey. NO."

Carol was bewildered. "I don't understand."

Michonne poured another glass of wine. "Let's look at the relationships we've seen thus far. Lori: pursued or pursuer?"

Carol said, hesitantly, "Pursued."

"Andrea: pursued or pursuer?"

Sasha answered for Carol. "Pursuer for Shane, pursued for the governor."

"Karen: pursued or pursuer?"

Carol said, more confidently, "Pursued."

Michonne smiled encouragingly. "Now, let's look at us. Me and Rick: I'm a stage-3 pursuer. Sasha and Bob: She's a Stage-One pursuer. And you and Daryl?"

Carol smirked. "I'm a Stage 100 pursuer."

Maggie said, "You're a role model for all of us, is what you are."

Carol said, "But Maggie, how do you maintain the pursuer role when you and Glenn are so clearly (and audibly) together?" The other women snickered.

Maggie said, "I keep Cupid in mind at all times."

Carol said, "Do you mean keeping things romantic?"

Maggie said, "Good God, no. That's the kiss of death. CUPID are some guidelines to keep your relationship status uncertain."

She ticked of the letters of the acronym with her fingers as she went through them.

"C is for **C**hildren - Do you want to have them? Are you suddenly in charge of them? A good pregnancy scare can cause distance in a relationship for months. Taking care of someone else's children - well that writes itself, especially if the children are troubled.

**U**nwillingness to let him go on supply runs - You can sulk for days and then slowly have a rapprochement.

**P**ast, comma Tragic - Say something that triggers his** Painful Memories** so that he withdraws from you for a while."

Carol half-raised her hand tentatively. "Do you refer back to your own painful memories?"

Michonne cut her off. "NO. Never. Don't you ever wonder what happened to me before everything went down? Why I had two walkers on a leash? Why I am using a katana, for God's sake?"

Carol nodded. "All the time."

Michonne said, "I'll never tell, except in dribs and drabs. Remember:_ If you are in pain, don't complain. If you care, do not share_."

The other women repeated, robotically, "_If you are in pain, don't complain. If you care, do not share_."

Maggie continued, "**I**nconsistent behavior - Make a decision that is totally out of character for you, then reverse it.

Maggie held up her hand to show that she doing an aside. "That's why Lori lasted so long despite the fact that she was pursued by two men." She resumed her list.

**D**istraction - If you can't think of anything else, get separated from the group. That breaks you up for a while and restarts the clock."

Beth said, admiringly, "You're amazing at that, Carol."

Carol looked dismayed, "But I'm not...I don't do those things _intentionally_."

Sasha said laughingly, "Whatever you say, lady. Who am I to criticize the master?"

Michonne nodded, more seriously. "You are an inspiration to us all."

Beth looked at her seriously. "I want to learn from you."

Carol said, "I need to process this." The women looked at her, worried. Carol smiled slightly, and clarified. "Quietly, and to myself." There were sighs of relief.

Maggie said, "We should all get going. Rick is about to start pacing the halls and that is just exhausting if you run into him."

Carol said, "Wait! I have one more question. Michonne and Sasha, what are you doing while you're in slow pursuit? I mean, it's been a while for me, if you get my drift, and I am starting to feel it."

Sasha said, "We can't tell you, but let me give you one hint: When Michonne goes out 'Looking for the Governor,' that's not really what she's looking for."

Michonne shrugged. "We all have our ways."

Maggie said, "Yeah, but Jeannette's the genius in this category."

Carol said, "How so, exactly?"

Maggie shushed her. "We've got to go, NOW." They heard suddenly the sound of someone banging their head on the brick walls of the prison and weeping dramatically.

Sasha, "That's a story for another day, I'm afraid."

Michonne said, "Here he comes. Turn off the lights and hide."

The women huddled behind a counter as they heard the anguished cries get closer and closer. "Loooori! Shane! Looori and Shane!"


End file.
